Book Review: It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine
A Clinical Psychologist’s Perspective
As a clinical psychologist working with individuals and families facing grief, trauma, and life transitions, I often search for books that offer both compassion and clarity—resources I can confidently recommend to clients navigating profound loss. Megan Devine’s It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand is one of those rare books that meets the moment with honesty, depth, and profound validation.
A Different Kind of Grief Book
Unlike many self-help or grief recovery texts, Devine’s book doesn’t offer a “solution” to grief—because, as she argues powerfully, grief isn’t a problem to be fixed. Instead, she offers readers something much more valuable: permission to feel the depth of their loss without shame, and without pressure to move on or “get better.”
The book is grounded in both Devine’s professional expertise as a psychotherapist and her personal experience with sudden loss following the accidental death of her partner. This dual lens gives her voice an authenticity that resonates deeply with readers and sets this book apart from others in the genre.
Validating the Grieving Process
One of the most powerful messages in It’s OK That You’re Not OK is its validation of emotional pain. In clinical practice, I often see how our culture’s discomfort with grief leads to isolation, disenfranchisement, and sometimes even pathologizing natural responses to loss. Devine challenges the pervasive cultural myths—such as the belief that grief follows predictable stages or that there is a timeline for “healing.” She helps readers understand that grief is not linear, and that love and loss are forever intertwined.
This perspective can be especially helpful for clients who feel pressure to appear “strong” or “resilient” in the face of devastating events. The book reassures them that being broken by grief is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of being human.
Practical Tools Without Platitudes
While Devine resists the urge to offer tidy answers, she does include practical guidance for navigating the day-to-day experience of grief. She speaks to both the grieving person and those around them—offering scripts, validation, and strategies for surviving in a world that often expects people to “get back to normal” far too quickly.
For clinicians, this book is also a valuable reminder to avoid unintentionally minimizing grief through our own therapeutic language or expectations. It challenges us to meet our clients in their pain without trying to rescue them from it.
Who Should Read This Book?
It’s OK That You’re Not OK is a must-read for:
Anyone who has experienced profound loss, whether recent or distant
Friends and family of someone grieving, who want to offer better support
Mental health professionals, clergy, and caregivers who want to deepen their empathy and language around grief
Clients in therapy who may benefit from a resource that normalizes and validates their experience
Final Thoughts
Grief is not a disorder. It doesn’t need fixing. It needs witnessing. Megan Devine’s It’s OK That You’re Not OK offers exactly that—a deeply compassionate witness to the reality of grief. I highly recommend it as both a clinical resource and a personal companion for anyone sitting in the silence that follows loss.